


[dead weight]

by tenderfirstlove



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Drunk Hank Anderson, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Gen, Hank Anderson Deserves Happiness, Hurt No Comfort, I am so sad, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Connor (Detroit: Become Human), POV Hank Anderson, Poor Connor, Sad, feelsbadman.jpg, rip hank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:11:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderfirstlove/pseuds/tenderfirstlove
Summary: ❛ I love what I can’t seeWhat’s expected of you, whats expected of me?Now it’s quarter to threeLet it all get away ❜― DEAD WEIGHT, Jack Stauber.





	[dead weight]

**Author's Note:**

> some music for this: [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdnTQqB4q4w)

>   ** _TIME_  **
> 
> _PM 07:31:06_
> 
> **_RELATIONSHIP_ **  
>  _HANK, ASSIGNED PARTNER_  
>  _RELATIONSHIP RANK: HOSTILE_

Connor arrived at Hank's home, stepping out of the automated taxi before the door closed, standing still as it waited for its passanger to get back in.

He pursed his lips, hands clenching and un-clenching with hesitation as he looked at the front door from a distance.

He took a step forward. Suddenly moving felt like he was beign swallowed by quicksand, sinking continually with no end and his regrets ate him up whole, a pit with no end.

Connor trudged through his emotions, he needed to do this. He needed closure. He didn't want Hank to die. The lieutenant was almost the only reason he was deviant and managed to break free from his handler's claws.

The android placed a gentle hand on the doorknob, hesitant. There was no sound to be heard, not even a low murmur of the television or the rambling of a drunk Hank.

He twisted the knob carefully, expecting it to be locked yet it slid open smoothly, with no trouble or reluctance. He entered the house, the atmosphere was suffocating, he was only greeted by a single bark of caution from Sumo.

Connor stepped through the house calmly, the soles of his boots hitting the ground almost silently as he looked around the place. It was messy but no much more than the last time he was there, when Hank was passed out.

The android went up to the dog sat in front of the muted television, the Saint Bernard just stared at him with sad eyes, worried for its owner. Connor just sighed in defeat as he patted Sumo softly, trying to reassure the dog before Sumo barked at him, lashing out.

His eyes trailed around the living room and into the kitchen. that's where he saw Hank. A single light above him dimly blinking as if he was on a stage, a photo frame in his hands, presumably the same frame that held a photo of Cole, encapsulated inside at a time when he was happy, when he was alive. The boy's eyes were wide and joyful, a white set of teeth beaming at the camera as the child mustered the biggest smile he could for the camera.

RA9, Hank looked miserable. He was wearing his Detroit Police green hoodie, it was clearly worn for years, judging by its muted colour, the man placed the photo on the table numbly, staring.

Tired blue eyes never leaving the frame.

By one side of him there was an unopened bottle of Black Sheep scotch, a hand-held in between his hands. Presumably one bullet, considering Hank's suicidal tendencies and preferance for russian roulette.

Connor wandered closer to the table, only standing a few steps away from the man.

He weighed his options:

> _**∆** GOODYBYE_  
>  _**□** APOLOGIZE_  
>  _**O** WORRIED ABOUT HANK_  
>  _**X** RECONCILE_
> 
> _> **X** **RECONCILE**_

He figured it was worth a shot, he didn't want to give up on the other man.

"I...I needed to see you,Lieutenant",He started off, speaking in a soft manner as he looked at the man before him, still un-moving.

"In spite of all of our differences, I'm glad I had the chance to meet you."

The man finally looked up, eyes wandering all over Connor as he took in his clothing. Ridiculous. He didn't have the will to even laugh at the stupid thing before he lowered his head back down, eyes immediately back on the frame.

Connor licked his lips, wondering what to choose next as he heard Sumo bark again.

> _**∆** GOODYBYE_  
>  _**□** APOLOGIZE_  
>  _**O** WORRIED ABOUT HANK_
> 
> _>_ **_O WORRIED ABOUT HANK_ **

He shouldn't say goodbye yet, especially when he doesn't want to leave.

"I was worried about you, Lieutenant." Connor clenched his hands, frustrated that he was going to lose the only other person who actually (probably) cared about him enough to edge him toward deviancy.

"I came by to see if you're all right."

Hank looked up once more, back straightening as he listened and looked up, face bland and nonreactive, eyes almost doubtful of the android. The android who had died in his arms so many times beforehand, the same android who saved his life, the same android who..reminded him of Cole so damn much.

The same soft hair, the same goofy face, the same moles, even the mannerisms and fucking personality even.

Apart from those eyes.

Those chocolate brown puppy eyes that held some semblance of hope, of life now unlike before, where all he could see was programming, artificial warmth.

Blue eyes cut away from brown, defeated, looking back down.

Connor frowned sadly.

> _**∆** [PHOTO] UNLOCKED_  
>  _**O** GUN_  
>  _**X** ALCOHOL_
> 
> _> **∆ [PHOTO] UNLOCKED**_

He knows he can't replace the man's son. He knows he could never compare to being anything like his little boy at all.

He knows he's made from nor flesh or blood.

Just strings of code and artificial plastics.

But he wants to be. He want so badly to be.

To be there for him, to be held by him, to be loved by him.

He'd give almost anything to be held by the other again, head in his lap and hands in his hair as his timer ran out slowly.

That was when he first felt loved, as if he was real, tangible.

As if he was human, his own flesh and blood.

Even if deep down he knows that the moment was just Hank projecting his regret and loss, gut wrenching love for his dead son.

It felt nice, for him, at the time.

But now it just makes Connor's holographic skin crawl with disgust at his own actions.

"You should stop looking at that photo, Hank." Connor's voice was louder and full of desperation, a smudge of dread interlaced, he stepped forward.

"Nothing can change the past..." Connor spoke smoothly, almost delicately as if he was afraid of provoking the other.

Hank was resisting to blurt out that the android didn't know anything, he didn't know how he already knew that but couldn't help but feel regret. Why should he feel happy and hopeful when he should've died right there with Cole by his side ?

"But you can learn to live again..." His voice softened as he glanced at Hank, he felt terrible, he just wanted to help.

Blue eyes stared right ahead, how could he learn to live again when life was the last thing on his mind? First being death and second being his regret of going out on the road that night with Cole in the backseat.

"For yourself..." The voice was stronger now, some fickle remainder of hope stuck in the android's throat making its way upstream.

The lieutenant could feel those brown eyes looking at him, tugging at his heart when he knew that no simple android could do that. No machine could portray such deep emotion, unless it was deviant.

But he refused to believe that Connor was so, how could he be ? Especially after his actions.

"And for Cole." Hands clenched, knuckles turning white as the man tried to resist blowing his brains out then and there. How dare he tell him to live for himself, much less for Cole ? He didn't know anything about Cole and him, not a single fucking thing.

"Y'know, every time you died and came back..."

Hank raised his head again, although reluctantly as he started to speak, voice tired but steady, his eyes looked over Connors face before looking at Cole's sadly.

"...It reminded me of Cole."

Hank's eyes were burning into the picture he'd seen thousands of times before, becoming ingrained into his brain, into his core.

"I'd give anything to hold him again..."

Hank's voice was soft and tender, going more quiet as his fingers brushed over the frame, like a ghost, haunting.

He glanced up to Connor before continuing.

"But humans don't come back."

He scoffed lightly, seeing how the android was clearly conflicted and confused by his words, his eyes trailed back down, glancing in between the gun and his son's picture.

> _**O** CONVINCE_  
>  _**X** DON'T INSIST_
> 
> _> **O CONVINCE**_

How could he just leave now ? When Hank was finally opening up his cocoon ?

He just wanted to reach out, to hug the lieutenant and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Yet he couldn't, he knew tat the other wouldn't appreciate being coddled, especially from someone who he disliked.

His eyes were full of conflict and turmoil, just like his heart as his voice trembled when speaking with insistence.

"Hank, I-"

The man was quick to cut him off with seemingly harsh words and an even harsher stare, but they held both no bite.

"Now leave me alone.."

Blue eyes glanced away for a second before landing back on brown ones.

"Go on, complete your mission, since that's all you care about." A soft voice called out, utterly defeated.

Those simple words hurt so much.

Couldn't Hank tell he was deviant ? That he was struggling ? That he cared, and very dearly so ?

Tired icy eyes met painstakingly worried brown ones as the older man hung his head lowly, he only had so much energy to fight back against the hopeful words of the android.

Connor just stared, hands unclenching as he pursed his lips.

There were so many things he wanted to tell the lieutenant.

So many things he'd love to hear from the lieutenant.

What sort of things would he like ? How would he treat him now that he had deviated ? Or was he just a lost cause like Hank felt like to him ?

His eyes started to gloss over, he could feel the artificial tears build up in his tear ducts and lining his bottom eye lid, threatening to fall as he stared downward, at his feet in resignation.

He looked like a dejected puppy as he blinked away the tears softly, he wanted to refute those words. He knew that Hank cared, he _knew_ , even if the other didn't want to show it.

He knew he couldn't get the other to understand although. He didn't want to understand. He didn't have the will nor the energy to. Not anymore.

"GET OUTTA HERE!" Hank suddenly shouted, voice croaky and full of detest as he stared at Connor's sad face being rearranged into shock and embarrassment.

Connor just stared, brown and blue together, conflicting.

He searched those eyes, he searched so hard.

But he just couldn't find anything.

Not one single thing telling him to stay.

So he looked to the door reluctantly, he knew he wasn't welcome anymore.

Connor let out a sniffle as he licked his lips, mouth still dry, hand feeling icy-hot as he turned around, breaking eye contact yet still feeling those ship-wrecked eyes drilling into his back as he walked to the door and glanced back once more.

The lieutenant didn't face him anymore, shaggy grey hair curtaining his face as his hand slowly slid toward the gun, the other nursing the bottle of scotch.

And he left, feeling alone and cold.

Snow flakes layering on his clothing and landing on his face before melting rapidly due to his warm temperature.

He hardly made it onto the pavement before he winced at the loud gunshot, followed by a succession of pained barks and whines from the Saint Bernard.

Connor turned around slightly, staring at the floor as he considered going back in, conflicted.

No, he shouldn't.

He should just leave Hank alone like he wanted to be.

His nails dug small cresant moons into his palms, blue blood dotting out from the wound as he stood, paralysed in motion and time.

A sob escaping from his lips as hot tears spilled over the brink, contacting cold cheeks and collecting tiny flakes of snow before dripping down his cheek and onto his clothes, shoes and the concrete hard floor.

So this was sadness.

A taste of emotion so sweet and sour altogether, like citrus on his tongue mixed with acid.

A synthetic artificial cocktail of everything mixed into false tears.

A new companion came with it, regret.

Bleak, white and bitter. Like ashes after cremation.

  
It dried his mouth faster than anything could, remaining thirium-based saliva turning hard to swallow as he pushed it down his own throat.

He felt like he was being choked and drowned at the same time.

Connor's eyes burned and palms ached as his nails kept digging further and further.

He decided that he should just go, even though he couldn't move his feet. 

> **_TIME_ **  
>  _PM 07:42:14_
> 
> **_RELATIONSHIP_ **  
>  _HANK, DECEASED_  
>  _RELATIONSHIP RANK: NOT APPLICABLE_
> 
> _SOFT INSTABILITY ^_

**Author's Note:**

> took about an hour and a half to write this fucking SAD SHIT.  
> i love hank so much so when i saw someone get this ending i wanted to cry  
> but then i forgot i cant so that made me sad  
> edit: fixed some spelling mistakes and formatting issues lol  
> sorry guys my fault for not properly looking over it before posting !


End file.
